Wednesday 8 February

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Amen
………….

Doesn’t matter what I think.
Doesn’t matter how I feel.
It matters what I DO.
Don’t tell others in the 12 step fellowship what you think today.
Don’t tell others in the 12 step fellowship how you feel today.
Tell others in the 12 step fellowship what program work you’ve done today.
…………..
Remember everyday: Keep repeating “God’s will” OUT LOUD as much as you can. Even if you can only whisper or mouth it. Failing all that say it in your head but whatever the case constantly keep saying it!
…………….
God, give me the power to quieten and calm my mind so that I can hear your will. Please direct my decision making at all times, because my previous game plan for living that I came up with myself has produced disastrous results in terms of my happiness and peace of mind. I want you to do my thinking for me, I do not want to analyse decisions in life anymore using my own intellect and thinking.

I offer my work and effort to carry out your directions but please allow my mind to hear your broadcasting beacon which I know is in my soul, which I will always be able to hear if I can only quieten the static and noise of my own ruminations.
……….
God, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

God, grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted.
Seek to understand, rather than to be understood.
Seek to love, rather than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
……………….

Yesterday for recovery I updated this blog in the morning, made some outreach calls in the morning and spoke to 2 fellows on the phone. Listened to a 12 step speaker tape over lunch at work. Texted people in the fellowship during the day to ask how their 12 step programs were going. Went to a 12 step meeting after work. When I got home I did 10 minutes of stepwork.

Tue 7 February

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Amen
……………
Doesn’t matter what I think.
Doesn’t matter how I feel.
It matters what I DO.
Don’t tell others in the 12 step fellowship what you think today.
Don’t tell others in the 12 step fellowship how you feel today.
Tell others in the 12 step fellowship what program work you’ve done today.
…………..
Remember everyday: Keep repeating “God’s will” OUT LOUD as much as you can. Even if you can only whisper or mouth it. Failing all that say it in your head but whatever the case constantly keep saying it!
…………….
God, give me the power to quieten and calm my mind so that I can hear your will. Please direct my decision making at all times, because my previous game plan for living that I came up with myself has produced disastrous results in terms of my happiness and peace of mind. I want you to do my thinking for me, I do not want to analyse decisions in life anymore using my own intellect and thinking.

I offer my work and effort to carry out your directions but please allow my mind to hear your broadcasting beacon which I know is in my soul, which I will always be able to hear if I can only quieten the static and noise of my own ruminations.
……….
God, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

God, grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted.
Seek to understand, rather than to be understood.
Seek to love, rather than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
……………

Yesterday I made some outreach calls in the morning before work and managed to actually get through to 1 person. I also updated this journal. Listened to a 12 step speaker audio on the journey to work and listened to some more of this during my lunch break. Repeated “God’s will” in my mind a bit but could have done this more so will do that more today. It was difficulut to make fellowship outreach calls at work so I sent some text messages to people asking them how they were getting on with their stepwork. Saw my sponsor after work to do stepwork. Did some stepwork when I got home after I ate and made outreach calls, getting through to speak to 1 person.

Monday 6 February
Clean since date: Fri 3 February
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Amen
…………
Remember everyday: Keep repeating “God’s will” OUT LOUD as much as you can. Even if you can only whisper or mouth it. Failing all that say it in your head but whatever the case constantly keep saying it!
…………
Yesterday I saw some friends, and there was some visual cruising going on when I was out and about. Woke up feeling tired this morning. I need to get early nights where-ever possible but also can’t let this stop me going to the meetings and doing the stepwork I need to do. Using "Clean date since" rather than counting days sober as I think this will help me take it 1 day at a time more. Booked myself onto some 12 step conventions that are coming up.

Sun 5 February
Clean since date: Fri 3 February
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Amen
…………..
Remember everyday: Keep repeating “God’s will” OUT LOUD as much as you can. Even if you can only whisper or mouth it. Failing all that say it in your head but whatever the case constantly keep saying it!
…………..
Yesterday I went to a meeting. I did some outreach calls where I pushed someone who didn’t have a sponsor to get a sponsor, encouraged a newcomer to come to a 2nd meeting, and asked someone how they were getting on with their stepwork, and when they told me about a difficult situation they encountered at work on Friday I asked them if they had asked their sponsor about it, and what their sponsor had said to do (I should have asked them if they had taken this action, and how thourough they had been about taking this action). Yesterday I also spent time working the steps which involved actually doing written tasks my sponsor had set for me to do.

Want to repeat this from yesterday’s entry:

“God is telling me that I need to push other people harder in the program down the 12 steps, asking them how many meetings they go to, asking them what actions they have taken for recovery and spirituality that day. I can’t worry about treading on egg shells or affecting someone’s pride. I know I want other people to push me harder down the 12 steps etc. and I need to start thinking about helping other people in their recovery more. I think it will help me be less self-centred and less thinking about myself.”

Sat 4 February
Clean since date: Fri 3 February
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Amen
………….
Remember everyday: Keep repeating “God’s will” OUT LOUD as much as you can. Even if you can only whisper or mouth it. Failing all that say it in your head but constantly keep saying it!
……………

Acted out yesterday (paid for sex). Like the last time, it’s counter-prodcutive to stew on it and dwell on it feeling guilty so into action again! God is telling me that I need to push other people harder in the program down the 12 steps, asking them how many meetings they go to, asking them what actions they have taken for recovery and spirituality that day. I can’t worry about treadinbg on egg shells or affecting someone’s pride. I know I want other people to push me harder down the 12 steps etc. and I need to start thinking about helping other people in their recovery more. I think it will help me be less self-centred and less thinking about myself.

So I’ll start here. If YOU’RE reading this and are fighting an addiction (fighting yourself), forget about Jeff for a minute. What have YOU done today for YOUR recovery?